Myths about dating
The truth is, many men are bi-curious, and being in an open relationship can be the perfect way to explore sex with people of different gender identities.Personally, I’ve always felt that being non-monogamous is as innate a part of me as being queer. I have some friends who were dirty cheaters before they found ethical poly, and some people who have been poly since they were teenagers.The great news is that opening a relationship means designing it the way you and your partner(s) want.You might not get everything your heart desires, but boundaries and self-discipline can feel surprisingly good, sometimes even better than getting everything you thought you wanted.Sure, being non-monogamous means you’re living your life outside the box, but poly people come in as many shapes and sizes as monogamous people do.I know poly people who get together for LARPing in the park, poly people who are obsessed with fermenting vegetables, poly people who go to PTA meetings and football games.
Compersion basically means feeling happy that your partner is happy.For example, you might feel compersion that your partner is going on vacation with their other partner, instead of jealous or envious or resentful.I tend to react to my own feelings of jealousy by asking myself what’s behind that emotion: It’s usually something like fear of inadequacy, or yearning to be special.But just because you have that person in common doesn’t necessarily mean you like one another, and that’s O. Learning to be civil and kind is a good practice, and if you have a metamour, you shouldn’t feel pressure for your relationship to be more than cordial.After all, one of the benefits of poly is for each partner to have separate interests; if you’re too close to your metamour, your partner’s relationship with them may not feel like a separate space anymore.